Bruises
by kayel29
Summary: The morning after proves a difficult one for Jason, and Dick is a bit slow on the uptake.  Part 6 of Burn 'Verse


Jason woke in a cold sweat, biting back a scream that was lodged in his throat - not an unusual occurrence in itself, though the sleepy murmur and warm fingers, moving across his skin certainly was. Without thinking, Jason ran his hand down the back of Dick's head, soothing him back into sleep and taking his own comfort from the feel of the thick hair against his rough palm.

When his brother's breathing was even and deep, Jason risked turning the dull bedside lamp on. It was awkward and embarrassing for a moment, but Dick didn't stir. Out there on the streets darkness was his friend; alone in bed after a nightmare, he couldn't bear it. The light did little to chase away the feel of the dream, the glimpses of claustrophobic darkness, snippets of memories so heavy they threatened to pull him under even when he was awake.

Maybe the phantom pain in his fingers was from clawing at his coffin. Maybe it was from something else - he would never be sure.

Usually when he woke from one of those dreams. he meditated. If his mind was too chaotic he worked out, did push ups, thought about strategy, plans and bloody revenge. Tonight he just watched Dick sleep – his brother was sprawled over most of the bed, on his belly with his arms and legs outstretched almost comically. Jason didn't feel like laughing though, he couldn't tear his eyes from the mottled bruises covering Dick's hips and lower back, bruises in the shape of fingers. He lay his own big hand against the marks, and couldn't help the bile that rose in his throat. Bruce's gloves made those, his fingers pressing into Dick's flesh.

And the sight of it was filling him with feelings he didn't have the capacity to deal with. If he was in the city he would run, but they were in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and only had one car between them. No matter what he felt at that moment there was no way he was leaving Dick here and taking the car, even though he really wanted to - would have, if the past few days hadn't happened.

There was a part of him that knew he was projecting, but he didn't know how to stop. Instead, his imagination conjured images and feelings – demons of memory and possibility, some familiar, some new. And he sat and stared at Bruce's finger marks, until the anger threatened to consume him. Eventually he slid carefully off the bed, grabbed his pants and his wallet and slipped out the door.

Morning found him sitting on the dusty steps leading to the parking lot, smoking and nursing his third shitty cup of coffee. His mood hadn't improved any. Dick emerging from their room dressed in boxers and bruises and wearing a sleepy smile did nothing to help.

"Morning Jaybird, you're up early" Dick yawned and scrubbed a hand through his disordered hair.

Jason got to his feet and pushed past him back into the room. "Pack your shit."

"What? Is it check out already?" Dick looked adorably sleep mussed and confused, blinking in the morning light.

Jason pulled his t-shirt roughly over his head and started hunting for his socks. Dick stood in the doorway, body still, as he tried to work out the situation. "Jason?"

"We're going home," Jason growled - he didn't want to look at him, but he couldn't help it. Dick's body language changed from sleepy to alert almost instantly and he darted for his own clothes.

"What happened? Is everyone OK?" Focused, Nightwing voice.

Jason's blood pressure rose another notch – he was being ridiculous and was seconds away from taking his anger out on his brother. Which was the last thing he actually wanted to do, damnit.

"Has something happened?" Dick was crowding him, somehow managing to sound assertive whilst trying to hop into his jeans.

Jason glared at the beige wall, and tried to gain some control over himself. "Nothing's wrong, but we're goin' back"

"Way to scare the crap out of me Jay!" A finger poked him in the back "So if nothings wrong, what's got you worked up in to such a state? I can hear your teeth grinding!"

Jason spun round and shoved him. "This was a fucking stupid idea," he yelled waving his sock for emphasis. "You can stay if you want, but I'm going back to Gotham." He threw himself in to the single rickety chair and tried to work out a way to put his sock on that didn't leave him open to inevitable attack – he could see it coming, little wheels turning in Dick's head and his face getting darker with each conclusion he came to.

"So that's it?" Dick stalked forward. "A quick fuck and back to Gotham?" His eyes were flashing with anger and Jason tensed, ready to defend himself.

To hear people talk, Dick Grayson was the sweetest, nicest guy - and despite getting his kicks though violence and thrill seeking he really was. But push the wrong button and you would see fireworks; his temper was hotter even than Jason's, though it died out quicker. They were both adept liars – you had to be when you spent almost your most of your childhood leading a double life, but when Dick was emotional he was an open book. His whole body expressed his anger, like a sleek furious tom cat. It was fucking beautiful to watch.

Again, Jason was stuck by his own self deception – he had always loved to wind Dick up, to hurt him, to push him into this state. Now he knew why.

God, he and Kory must have had the hottest angry sex ever, just thinking about it made his mouth water. And now he was going to stop thinking about that because it was derailing his anger and frustration.

"Is that what this was about? You could have just fucking asked! Why the stupid charade?" Dick was working himself up into rage and a fistfight was all but inevitable unless Jason cleared a few things up. Problem was he kind of wanted one – physical blows were much easier to deal with.

"Dick.."

"Was it just to hurt me more? Make it sting?"

"Fuck you!" Jason's anger burst forth, sudden and blinding. "You know what it's like to see his marks on you? To see all this shit written in your skin!" He flung his boot, but Dick deflected it with ease and lunged at him

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you jealous?"

Truth was yes - yes he was. His relationship with Dick had always been wound up with jealousy and bitterness, on both sides, however much his brother may want to deny it, but not in the way Dick meant.

The thought made him feel sick.

Dick must have seen some of that in his eyes and he snarled shoving against Jason's chest, pushing at his control. "You son of a bitch!" Jason shoved him away and he came right back

"You fucking asshole - do you have any idea what that felt like?"

"Yes!" It burst out his mouth before he could stop it.

And Dick halted, mid tirade, his fist pulled back. It was the last thing Jason wanted, he knew Dick was going to interpret that his own way, hang onto it and analyze it – and feel pity or guilt.

So Jason punched him. Dick avoided the blow, falling backward and taking Jason with him to the floor. Dick's body was solid and warm under his and for a moment Jason hated it. He was shuddering, he couldn't tell what this feeling was or how he was going to cope with it.

Dick's whole manner changed and his expression became raw and needy. "What's going on Jay? Are you freaking out?"

Jason didn't bother to answer – of course he was freaking out, did the moron think he was doing this for fun?

"Are you having a gay freak-out? Or is it an us freak-out? Or something to do with what happened with Bruce?"

Jason just shook his head; he didn't have the words.

"Jay, Jay talk to me, please." Dick was rubbing his back. It was probably supposed to be comforting but he wished he would stop. Jason's skin felt hot and tight, He needed space, and the chance to rid himself of this anger. A furious, wild noise broke free from his throat, and he hung his head, hair brushing his brothers bare chest. Dick went limp beneath him, arms by his sides, non threatening, he even averted his eyes – allowing Jason a moment to collect himself and giving his exactly what he needed.

The things he felt for this man. It was overwhelming and terrifying and he didn't know when it happened, why it happened.

His first blow struck Dick in the shoulder – he grunted but otherwise remained still, trusting Jason not to do too much damage. The second blow he aimed at the floor by his brothers head, he kept hitting it until Dick's fingers curled around his wrist. This thing between them was going to destroy them both, he could see it, almost taste it.

But he wanted it anyway.

When Dick kissed the side of his face he turned to meet his lips for a long slow kiss, needy, but not lustful, it was about comfort - saying something that he couldn't quite put into words. Dick's hands were in his hair, running over his back, strong and firm. And this time he welcomed the touch.

He was fed up of over thinking and second-guessing himself.

"You fellers missed checkout."

Jason tensed, turning to look at the door. With all the fighting they hadn't even shut it, and the desk clerk was standing in the threshold, still dressed in his rumpled beige suit. He didn't seem concerned about the general disorder of the room or the two young men lying on the floor. He snapped his gum. "Leave it any longer and I'll have to charge you for the extra day – maids gotta clean it. She only comes in till 12"

"Sorry sir." Dick didn't seem worried to be caught in a vulnerable and somewhat compromising position. "Give us 10 and we'll clear out."

"Okay, but you drop off the keys ASAP or I'm gonna charge you." He didn't bother to shut the door, just ambled away towards the parking lot.

Jason looked down at his brother, who was watching him with a thoughtful expression. "What you want to do?" he asked.

Dick shrugged. "Lets pack up and head out, we can decide in the car." Jason nodded and heaved himself to his feet, he had to hunt for the boot he had thrown.

Dick was driving way over the speed limit – nothing unusual there. They had decided to drive back on themselves until they found some place for breakfast, but the quiet was chafing at Jason's nerves, and Dick kept shooting him looks out of the corner of his eye.

"So what do you want to do Jay?" he asked eventually. "Still want to go back to Gotham? Stay on the road for a few days?"

Jason sighed - the only way they were going to muddle though this messy thing they had going was if they were both honest about this stuff. "I don't want to go back yet"

Dick gave him a half smile, something hopeful in his eyes. It was really strange to think Dick wanted this – wasn't just going along with it for some weird Dick reason.

"But…" Jason continued, feeling profoundly uncomfortable, "there was a lot of stuff I don't feel right about"

"Last night?" Dick's hands were tense on the wheel, but his voice was even."I'm sorry if I was too forward."

"Its not that, I just…" he trailed off, how the fuck did people talk about this shit with out sounding like a goddamn fool? "I need a beer"

"It's 11 o'clock in the morning!" Dick looked scandalized and Jason smirked. "At least let me smoke without having a hissy fit," he said, waving the carton.

"Fine, but just to calm your nerves"

"What makes you think I have nerves?" Jason lit up, sucking the smoke into his lungs and relishing the slight burn. Dick just shot him a long look, but let it go whilst Jason tried to find a way to articulate what he was feeling.

"The things I was saying, the way we were doing things, with what happened with Bruce - I just don't feel right about it," he blurted

"You freaked yourself out with your own dirty talk?" Dick sounded like he was holding back laughter and Jason felt a blush creep up his cheeks. "Jay, are you worried about you or me?"

And that was a good question. He was basing his reactions on what he would feel, not what Dick might be feeling. Fighting was so much easier than talking, seriously.

"You're afraid."

Fuck Dick and his ability to read people.

"I'm not! I fight though shit out there on the streets everyday, same as you." Denial was pointless but he thought he would have a go anyway.

Dick rolled his eyes dramatically, hardly even paying attention to the road "That's not what I mean. You're afraid of this, of…" he paused and a look of realization swept across his face. "You're afraid of hurting me." Jason wanted to deny it, but he couldn't - so much about this situation scared him – he was afraid of hurting him, yeah, but also of being hurt by him, of losing him like he had lost everything else.

"You didn't make me uncomfortable, I liked it! But maybe we moved to fast." He paused, pursing his lips "How about we stay on the road for a bit, another couple of nights, but we keep it casual – no sex." Dick looked pleased with himself having come up with the perfect solution. Jason didn't think they would manage not to fuck, even with all the stress of this morning and his discomfort with the situation, the memory of last night, the feel of Dick's mouth on him, made his cock twitch in his pants.

But it was the best offer he was going to get, and he was done running away.

Probably.


End file.
